Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Letting out & Letting Go

these are the dilemmas i'm having right now. well, not actually dilemmas, they are just the things that i should do, but i think i should not. things regarding 2 of the most important people in my life. i will not go and elaborate further about who they are. the rest is up to your imagination(s). this entry is a follow up of my 'dream' or shall i say 'gangguan syaitan' [because i slept after subuh.]

the first one is about letting out what i truly think to someone. lately, he's being acting extremely weird. weird for his age, weird for his personality. i'm not sure whether weird is the correct word to use, but in short, he's not what he used to be. people closest to me are suffering right now because of his attitude. i cried a bucket when i first heard of his unlikely actions.in my dream, i let out what i felt in his face.he was so shocked, seeing my bold move. i, as everyone knows, am very introvert when it comes to letting out my feelings. i hid what i felt deep inside, no one could ever know it. but in that dream, i was brave enough to stand up and just shout to his ears what i felt. yes, i was satisfied. but in real life, i still don't know whether that's the appropriate thing to do. if i do that, i would be regarded as someone who does not respect the person that should always be respected. this story, only one person knows the details. and i was so grateful i decided to tell that person about it. in a way, i did let out my feelings to someone, even though not to the one i should let it out to. sigh~

next is the classic case of letting go of someone that you know is not meant for you. my closest friends should have no problem relating this story as you guys should know who i'm referring to. the thing is that, in that same dream, i confessed to him that i like(d) him these past 9 years. well, come to think of it, i think this is also a case of letting out my feelings. i think i have managed to let go of him already, out of my heart, but i can't seem to be satisfied without telling him what i used to feel. he's getting married in less than a month, and confessing to him after all these years might seem super-weird!! but i mean no harm. in fact, by telling him about it, i don't think it will change anything. well, maybe i won't be able to face him after this (malu, ok?!), but at the very least, i've told him the truth. i still can remember vividly the 'email' i wrote to him in that dream..[yes, i emailed him, didn't tell him in person!!]..hehehhe..even in that dream, i still malu. still didn't have the courage to tell him face to face or over the phone, even in a dream!!. LOL. erkkk..come to think of it, i haven't seen him (in person) ever since he went abroad. the last time i saw him, i think, was when i sent him @the airport back in '02. gosh!! i was only 19 in '02!! huhuhuhu..

am i even making any sense by writing this? or did i make you readers 'geram' with my attitude that doesn't want to let out what i really and truly feel? hehehehe.. this is me being me. i suffer alone.

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